


The Obligatory Fanservice Scene

by gonta



Category: Dangan Ronpa, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Comedy, Gen, kind of crack but idk, theres bare chests mentioned but that's as far as it goes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonta/pseuds/gonta
Summary: When Iruma discovers the boys' secret plan, she drags a reluctant Kaede along. Kaede finds herself questioning why she listens to anything Iruma says.(It's not nsfw at all don't worry)[WRITTEN BEFORE DRV3'S RELEASE, MAY CONTAIN INACCURACIES]





	

**Author's Note:**

> So me and @starrynova were talking, and we were wondering: since the protagonist is a girl in ndrv3, does that mean that the obligatory fanservice scene would focus on the guys instead of the girls? I knew I had to write this. And of course, because it's me, I made it really silly.
> 
> Don't go into this expecting any Sexy Times.

Kaede should have known that listening to Miu Iruma was a bad idea from the moment she approached her. 

She had been under the impression that Iruma didn't like her very much - after all, the inventor was not a person who was very open about who she liked. She was mainly open about the long laundry list of who she didn't, and judging from how often she had referred to Kaede’s chest as “an ironing board with two raisins on it”, she had assumed that she was on that list. 

And yet, when she walked up to her in the cafeteria with a determined fire alight in her eyes, Kaede didn't think to suspect any foul play afoot. After all, it was fairly early. Iruma usually didn't get up to any hijinks until the afternoon or evening. So she just smiled politely at her. 

“Good morning, Iruma-san. What are you up to?” 

What she didn't expect was for the girl to grab her shoulders and leer at her with a wheretofore unseen intensity. Kaede couldn't help but feel a little nervous. “Erm… what is it? Do you need anything?” 

“Come on! Move it, Bakamatsu! You and your freshly paved road of a chest!” Iruma barked. Before Kaede could object, she had yanked her arm and was pulling her out of the room. She gave the other two people in the room - Yumeno and Angie - a pleading look. The magician and the artist looked up for a moment, but instead of helping, Angie just gave a quick wave and Yumeno smirked before the two returned to the card game they were playing. Of course. She sighed, though it came out as more of a wheeze because of how quickly Iruma was pulling her along. It appeared that she was at her mercy, whether she liked it or not. 

 

Kaede attempted to ask Iruma where they were going multiple times, but she seemed too preoccupied with their destination to answer. Where could they possibly be headed that had sent her into such a fervor? The pianist could only guess, but her queries were soon answered. 

“Okay, here!” Iruma slammed to a stop in front of a weathered-looking old building that looked starkly out of place in the otherwise modern setup of Gifted Prisoners’ Academy. Steam emanated from its large chimney, rising up to god-knows-where before likely condensing somewhere else in the prison’s dome. Unless there was a hole at the top, or something, which Kaede wasn't sure about. 

“So, then… where exactly is ‘here’?” She asked, a twinge of apprehension evident in her voice. Somehow, she had a very bad feeling about this whole setup. If anyone else had brought her here, she probably wouldn't have been so worried - but with Iruma, it was another story. 

Adjusting the goggles on her head so that they were over her eyes, Iruma snickered. The leer on her face had deepened. “Say helloooo to the Saishuu Bathhouse, Bakamatsu!”

Kaede stiffened. Uh oh. 

“Uh… why do we have a bathhouse, exactly? It seems kind of odd that a place designed to be a prison would have one.” 

“God, I don’t know! Do you want me to talk to the friggin’ architect or something?” Iruma shrugged. “I happened upon it yesterday, which turned out to be the perfect time!”

She looked so self-satisfied that Kaede couldn't help but smile. “I see… so… does this mean you're inviting me to take a bath with you?”

A flurry of spittle flew out of the inventor’s mouth as she cackled. “Hell no! I mean, maybe one day, but not now. My equipment’s expensive, y’know, and I can't get it wet.” Wiping the spit from her mouth and seemingly calming down, she continued. “You see… I heard some of the guys talking this morning. Some kind of male bonding bullshit, I dunno. Whatever. But here’s the fuckin’ clincher!” 

Kaede was worried she knew where this was going. 

Iruma pointed at her with a gloved hand. “Seven outta eight of them are sitting ducks right now! Kaede, you and I are gonna peep!” 

…And there it was. Kaede could feel her face flushing. “What? Oh no, there's no way I'm doing that!” 

“Oh yes there is! You're gonna do it with me! You're so wholesome, it'll be like a rite of passage for you to see a bunch of guys’ chests.” At the mention of chests, she thumped hers. “Also, I installed a new function on my goggles. A camera! Hyahyahyahya, this is gonna be so fuckin’ good!”

“I-Iruma-san!” The pianist sputtered. “You're… uh, you're incorrigible!” But this only prompted a grin from the other girl. Kaede gulped, realizing that she had let it slip: she was at least kind of interested. 

Shit. 

Eyes darting in all manner of directions, she attempted to stall. “Why seven out of eight? I guess someone's missing.”

Iruma scoffed. “Yeah, Sigh-hara is off somewhere being his emo self. Same as usual. Don't worry about it, I don't think he's worth seeing half-naked on a good day.”

“Don't say that about Saihara-san!” she shook her head, disapproving. “Anyway, why are you only taking me? Why not any of the other girls?”

Arms akimbo, Iruma pouted. “I mean, I abso-fuckin’-lutely weighed my options. I think that Tsumugi prefers anime boys over real boys, so I couldn’t ask her. And if I asked Tank-o, I think she’d try to kill them!” She shook her head dismissively. “And Kirumi would probably disown me if I asked her…” 

“What about Yumeno-san, or Yonaga-san, or Harukawa-chan?”

“Ol’ demon princess is scary as shit, I wasn’t gonna invite her along! As for the other two, I did ask them, and they volunteered you.” Kaede rolled her eyes. She would have to have a chat with those two later.

A pleading look crossed Iruma’s face, and her expression softened. “Come on, please? For me?” 

Kaede considered her options. She probably could leave, but then Iruma would probably be mad - not to mention the fact that the boys would be at her mercy if she went and took pictures of them. She hated being the voice of reason sometimes, but it appeared that she had no choice. 

“...Alright, fine.” Her shoulders sagged in defeat, and Iruma grinned. 

“Hell yeah, now that's what I'm talkin’ about! You're not such a prude after all, Bakamatsu!”

…What had she gotten herself into? 

 

Kaede and Iruma entered the bathhouse, and Kaede took in its entryway. It appeared to be a cross between a lobby and a locker room - a few benches were positioned in the center, and rows of lockers lined the walls. There was a table on the opposite wall piled with freshly-laundered towels that looked so soft that they could be used as blankets, and a rack with hooks on it above it. She noticed Shinguuji’s cap and Hoshi’s horned beanie hanging from the rack. 

There were two doors in the far wall on either side of the table, each covered by a curtain. The left one was pink, while the right one was blue. It was pretty clear to tell who was meant to go where. Clothes were scattered around the room in various states of disarray (Ouma’s coat appeared to be neatly folded, while Momota’s clothes were crumpled into a ball), and she swore she could hear muffled chatter from behind the blue curtain. 

Iruma gave her a furtive glance. “Hey, I always wondered. Do you think the horns on Hoe-shi’s hat are detachable?”

Kaede was beginning to sweat, though whether it was from the steam or the embarrassment was anyone’s guess. “I don't… I don't know! Ask him yourself, if you're so curious…” 

The inventor put her hands up in an expression of defeat. “Sheesh, I was just kidding! Don't get your panties in a twist… speaking of which, do you think Gonta wears underwear? I mean, he grew up in the forest with wolves, and-”

“Can we just get it over with already?!” Kaede snapped. She felt bad for being rude, but this whole thing made her feel kind of strange. The fact that Iruma was stalling didn't really help. 

“I thought you'd never ask!” With that, Iruma snuck over to the curtain-covered doorway and lifted the curtain up ever so slightly. When the coast was clear, she motioned Kaede over (and she reluctantly approached). Trying not to appear obvious, she peered through a crack between the doorframe and the fabric that separated them from the baths. 

 

Kaede didn't watch anime very often - she was often kept busy by piano lessons, after all - but she knew how this kind of scene went. The steam would clear, revealing a bunch of sexy big-breasted women (or just guys, in this case) just hanging around in positions that accentuated their bodies. 

The steam  _ did _ clear, but what she saw was decidedly unsexy. 

Strangely enough, Gokuhara seemed to be the only one who was lounging around in the hot spring like a normal person - everyone else seemed to have something weird going on. Momota was perched on a particularly tall rock like a drunken vulture, Ouma was rummaging through a bin of what seemed to be supplies, and Amami and Hoshi appeared to be deep in conversation on the side. Strangest of all was Kiibo - the robot was standing stiffly on the side of the room away from the bath, wearing a raincoat. Actually, it looked like he was wearing other coats under that one, as they were ill-fitting on his angular body. 

It was an odd sight, and Kaede heard Iruma chuckle. “Hey, where’s Shinguuji-san?” She whispered to her. In response, Iruma nodded her head towards a particular spot in the bath. All Kaede could see was the top of the anthropologist’s head, his inky hair fanning out in the water. A pair of scuba goggles covered his eyes, while the rest of him was submerged in the water. Kaede almost giggled, but Iruma clapped a hand over her mouth. “Keep quiet or they'll hear you, Bakamatsu!” She whispered - or at least, whispered as much as someone like Iruma could. 

Because of her good hearing, Kaede was acutely aware of what was going on in there, and all she could do was watch. 

 

Ouma’s face lit up as he stuck his arm in the storage bin. “Oh, man…” he murmured, sporting a devilish grin. With considerable effort, he lifted a massive water gun out of the bin and pointed it at the other boys. “Nishishi, you're all at my mercy now! You gotta do what I say, or I'll shoot you!” 

Gokuhara yawned. “That's… nice,” he muttered, lazily opening an eye before sinking back down into the bubbling water. Ouma rolled his eyes, clearly displeased at the entomologist’s underreaction. 

Kiibo, meanwhile, was having none of it. “D-don't point that at me, Ouma-san! I am not waterproof!” 

“Why did you even bother coming, then?” asked Ouma, amusement evident on his face. Kaede was used to the sort of boke-and-tsukkomi dynamic they had going on by now, but she still felt kind of bad for Kiibo. 

The robot blanched. “I just wanted to, erm, I believe ‘hang out’ is the proper term.” 

Shinguuji lifted his head out of the water - he was still wearing his mask, Kaede noticed. Didn't he ever take it off? “...I do believe that you could have tagged along with Saihara-san,” he said. 

Momota shrugged from his position on the rock. “Ehh, I dunno where he's run off to. Unless you have a GPS or somethin’, Kiibo-kun?” 

“I do have one, but it's not for tracking people…” Kiibo looked around nervously, likely anticipating future questions from the others. 

If anyone else had any questions, it seemed as though they would have to wait. Ouma snapped his fingers. “Ah! Perfect!” Brandishing the water gun, he shot a heavy stream of water at Momota. It was safe to say that the astronaut was not expecting it, as he screamed and bicycled his arms backwards in a futile attempt not to fall. It was no use, and he tumbled forwards, landing bridal-style in Gokuhara's arms. 

For a moment, the two stared at each other awkwardly. Kaede could hear Iruma’s camera going off as the inventor giggled under her breath. Again, she was struck with the urge to leave, but she couldn't take her eyes off the scene. 

Gokuhara blushed a deep red, but he kept looking at Momota. “Ah, thank you, Momota-san!” He stammered by way of greeting. 

This only caused the astronaut to thrash around, trying to get out of his precarious position. “Let go ‘a me!” He shouted. Gokuhara dropped him in response, sending him crashing into the water. Ouma was on the ground, practically losing it. 

Momota’s head popped out of the water a second later, right near Shinguuji. The anthropologist gave him a pointed look. “Sh-shut up…” Momota muttered, even though Shinguuji hadn't said anything. 

 

On the other side of the hot spring, Amami and Hoshi had been talking. As far as Kaede could tell, Amami appeared to be telling him some kind of story - but it was in such a hushed tone that she couldn't tell exactly what he was saying. She had noticed that Amami hadn't taken off his jewelry, and that Hoshi was a lot more athletic-looking than she would have thought - admittedly, baggy jumpsuits weren't the most flattering article of clothing. 

“...And that's the whole of it. You won't tell anyone, right?” Amami finished, his voice returning to a normal volume. Kaede almost flinched, as she hadn't been expecting it. Hoshi nodded, and then proceeded to pantomime zipping his mouth shut. Amami grinned in response. 

“You know about me,” was all the tennis player had to say in response. He scratched his hair absentmindedly - though it was closer to peach fuzz than hair, in all honesty. 

Amami raised his eyebrows, clearly intrigued. “That I do. But there has to be more to the story, right? I've told you about me, after all.” 

“There is. But it's not for you to know.” 

Despite Hoshi’s gruffness, Amami appeared unphased. He merely smiled. “Oh, I see. I need to be on another level to unlock that, I guess. I'm dying to know, though… no pun intended, of course. With the dying thing.” If Hoshi had eyebrows, he probably would have raised them. But he appeared to consider Amami’s proposition. 

After a minute or so (the awkward silence was punctuated by Ouma and Kiibo arguing on the other side of the room about god knows what), Hoshi’s expression softened a little, and he shrugged. “Alright, sure. Whatever,” he rubbed his thumb and pointer finger together, as if rolling an imaginary cigarette. “But you have to do something first.” 

“Hm?” Amami cocked his head curiously. He watched Hoshi grab a small towel from the side of the bath and start to twist it around with both hands. “What, exactly?” 

“Nothing really. A prison initiation ritual of sorts.” 

Amami’s smile remained the same, but his face paled. “Wait, what?” 

In one fluid motion evocative of his days on the tennis court, Hoshi flicked his wrist and slammed the towel rod into Amami’s lower back. Amami wheezed and doubled over in pain, prompting the other guys to look over. 

“Oh my god, what was that?” For once in his life, Ouma actually looked concerned. “Jesus, Amami-kun, are you okay?” (“Oh, so he’s ‘kun’ now?” Momota said exasperatedly, but everyone ignored him) 

“Rattailing,” was all that Hoshi said. 

Shinguuji actually stood up - he was still wearing the bandages on his hands, too. Did he wear those all the time?? Kaede wasn't sure. “Mhm, I have heard of that.” 

The tennis player just looked smug. “He's a real man now.”

“A real man…” Gokuhara was deep in thought, but immediately snapped to attention. “Do that to Gonta, then!” Hoshi just looked pained. 

Amami managed to sit up, though he looked like he'd aged a hundred years. “I'm f-fine, really…” he lowered his voice to speak to Hoshi. “I'm pretty sure I've earned it. Meet me in the atrium and tell me then,” Hoshi nodded. 

Ouma struck a dramatic pose, holding his hand (the one that wasn't occupied by the water gun) over his forehead. “Why don't you do that to me, Amami-kun?” 

Everyone stopped talking and just stared at the two of them. Amami was sweating. Ouma didn't seem bothered. 

 

Kaede had almost forgotten that she was watching the situation unfold from outside until Iruma sighed. “Man, this is the least attractive shit I've ever seen. Why is everyone here so weird??” she complained, shaking her head. It appeared that although it was her idea, she wasn't happy. 

She shrugged. “I guess this is just what you get from this crowd… what did you expect, the guys in weird poses?”

“Yes?!” Iruma slumped over, dejected. 

Kaede thought she heard her sneeze. “Erm, bless you, Iruma-san,” she said. Iruma just stared at her in confusion. 

“What the hell are you talkin’ about? I didn't sneeze, you ding dong!” 

“...Sorry, that was me,” came a voice from behind them. It was all Kaede could do to keep from falling over. She and Iruma turned to see who had intruded on them. Standing behind the two girls, profusely blushing, was Shuichi Saihara. An unreadable expression was on his face. “Uh… excuse me,” he murmured, and brushed past them into the hot spring room. 

This definitely couldn’t be good, Kaede thought. Iruma kept muttering “shitshitshit,” under her breath. She tried to listen in on the chatter coming from the room, but she was too distracted. Why had she gone along with Iruma? 

Someone pulled the curtain open, and seven pairs of eyes ogled at her and Iruma. Only seven, because Saihara was too busy looking at the ground in embarrassment. There was a long, painful moment in which nothing happened.

Then, with a loud  _ click! _ , Iruma’s camera went off. 

Someone yelled “Get ‘em!” and all hell broke loose. Kaede couldn’t remember much that happened during the frenzy, she just saw Iruma get blasted in the face with a stream of water and began to run away as fast as she possibly could. She ran until she reached her room, and proceeded to lock the door and slump against the wall out of embarrassment.

 

Kaede woke up starving the next day, and decided to head down to the cafeteria for breakfast. She hadn’t left her room since the previous morning out of fear that someone would find her and call her out, but she couldn’t stay holed up in there for long. She was an extrovert by nature - plus, she was really hungry.

As with a lot of decisions she’d made since coming to Gifted Prisoner’s Academy, this turned out to be a huge mistake. 

She could hear idle chatter coming from the entryway, so she assumed that all was well. But as soon as she entered, the room became dead silent. All the guys were staring at her, as were some of the girls. In the corner of the room, Toujou and Tenko were trying to restrain Iruma, who kept kicking around. The expressions throughout the room varied - Harukawa’s stare dripped with vitriol, while Yumeno looked like she was trying really hard not to laugh. 

Iruma’s eyes landed on her. “D-don’t just stand there, Bakamatsu! Run for it!”

Before Kaede could make a move, though, Ouma shot up out of his chair and blasted her with the water gun. 

...Kaede was regretting a lot of things. 

**Author's Note:**

> My dad rattailed me once. It hurt.
> 
> comments are always appreciated and cherished!


End file.
